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How three life initiations led me to the path of the priestess
A student recently asked me, "why did you do all the healing to get where you are now?"
I said, "I came into this world with heavy shit to burn. Even as a child, I was aware that this fucked up shit was not going to be my story. On some level, I've always known the priestess path was mine."
It's true. I didn't come here to settle for good enough, for 95% of my potential for joy. I didn't come here to maintain the status quo.
I came here to thrive - to be my ancestors' greatest dream.
In a society that focuses on symptoms and not the root cause, I sometimes wonder how my life looks from the outside...do folks think I'm depressed because I openly share the depth of my healing?!
I can see why folks would, our culture hasn't normalized suffering as part of healing.
While I don't believe my pain is more significant than other people's, what's different is I've chosen to walk into the portal of initiation instead of masking it with drugs, sex, food, and what have you.
Because of this, I am one of the most alive people I know:
The capacity for joy and pleasure in my nervous system is higher than most
My life crackles with integrity and alignment
My energy is nourishment for my community
Because I am in my wholeness, which includes deep pain and immense joy, I am a catalyst for those around me. The people in my life get more liberated because that's how nervous systems work.
This is the magic of personal work. You become something so potent your very presence propels others on their own journey.
So why aren't we all like this? Because it is hard! I wasn't born this way, I became it through my own effort.
On the priestess path, I've had many initiations disguised as descents into the darkness. I'll share a few with you:
1. Total Self Love
In my teens and early 20's, I was initiated into the love of body and appearance by recovering from an eating disorder.
Despite being 5'10" and 128 lbs, I looked in the mirror and saw a hideous fat monster. I starved myself by eating 600 calories a day. I was exhausted from hating myself. It took 10 years to come face to face with the deep wounding that I was keeping at bay by thinking about food all the time.
Today, I can see my own beauty. I love my body unconditionally, and I never think about food in any way but with gratitude and pleasure.
2. Embracing True Love
In my early 30s, I was initiated into true love by choosing a man outside my attraction pattern and committing to do whatever it took to support our love.
My attraction was wired around being "almost loved." The less available the man, the harder I threw myself at him. If only I could make him love me, I would be enough.
The irony being the moment I was loved, I lost all sexual desire and attraction. My love life was a dramatic rollercoaster.
When I met my partner, he didn't play any of my games, and I found it deeply unsettling. I wanted to break up many times in the early months.
A mentor pointed out that I had work to do, she said, "you'll have to do it in this relationship or the next because you are the common denominator." That hit hard. Over the next 7 years, I committed to doing whatever it takes to be in service to love. I've taken us through therapy, coaching, plant medicine, tantra...
Now, I can love and be loved from my wholeness. My sexual desire and attraction come from me.
3. Spiritual Reclamation
In the old days, women like me had a place in society. We were the guardians of the mysteries, the priestesses, healers, and the wise women.
Today, women like me have to forge their own paths.
It has taken immense courage to face the ancestral fear of persecution and the modern cries of "crazy, woo-woo, too sensitive or my favorite, too much" to show up as my full powerful, spiritual and sexual self. To honor my gifts as valid and share with with the world.
For us, spiritual women, the witch wound is real and can be overcome.
Today, I trust that whatever the Goddess brings on the path of the priestess my propulsion to grow will carry me, it always has.
As I reflect on the many initiations I have facilitated for others as a coach, healer and teacher I wonder:
How you are growing in this season of your life?
Can you see your inner work as the portal into your greatness?
In a world that values the status quo what part of the mold to you need to break to embody your Truth?
What is your ancestors greatest dream for you?
Remember joy, pleasure, and love is your birthright. You didn't come here to settle for mediocre.
x nuria
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