Reclaiming Your Desire as a Neurodivergent Woman

Desire is deeply personal. It doesn’t move in straight lines or follow predictable rules, especially for neurodivergent and highly sensitive women. You may feel desire intensely one day and not at all the next. You may long for connection but feel overwhelmed by the sensations that come with it. You may sense there is more inside you, yet struggle to access it, resulting in a cycle of pressure, guilt, and resentment.

None of this means you’re doing intimacy “wrong.”

These patterns are your nervous system doing its best to protect you.

When we look at desire through a somatic lens, we begin to understand that the body has its own language. And when we approach desire with compassion rather than expectation, interesting realisations can begin to emerge. Somatic trauma therapy creates space to explore this gently, reconnecting you with a version of desire that is authentically yours.

Begin With Nervous System Awareness

Desire begins in the body long before it reaches the mind. For neurodivergent women, those cues can feel mixed, muted, or overwhelming. Your system may jump from activation to shutdown as a result of sensitivity, past trauma, chronic stress, or masking. A gentle place to start, is tuning into your desire. 

Safe Self-Exploration

Self-exploration is about curious enquiry, tuning in to yourself to help you connect with authentic desire.

Try placing a hand over a neutral, and then an erotic area, and notice any changes in your nervous system. If there are moments in your day that sparked interest or shutdown, reflect on them - journaling can be great for this. 

Nervous system regulation begins with giving yourself permission to feel what you feel, free of judgment. This creates a level of internal safety that has to be in place for desire to become something you’re comfortable sharing with someone else.

Use Movement To Awaken Your Body

Sometimes desire rises through motion. Gentle movement practices can help release tension and help you reconnect with your body. Try slow stretches, intuitive movement or dance, shaking or bouncing to discharge tension, or humming to express emotions held beneath the surface.

Movement helps open channels that stress, masking, or trauma have tightened and invites your system back into flow.

Honor Your Boundaries & Communicate What You Need

Understanding desire also means understanding boundaries. Many neurodivergent women do things they’re uncomfortable with to meet expectations or keep their partner happy. Ultimately, that route only leads to disconnection and resentment.

It’s ok to say “I want to go slower” or “This feels good. This doesn’t.”

When you honor your boundaries, your nervous system feels safer. And safety is central to moving from a shutdown state into one of desire.

Neurodivergence & Desire

Neurodivergent desire doesn’t have to look the way neurotypical desire does. Your brain is wired with more sensitivity, depth, and nuance, and your desire will reflect that.

Your desire is not too much.

It’s not too little.

It’s yours, and it’s welcome here.

If you’d like to begin reclaiming your desire, I’d be honored to be part of that journey. As a somatic experiencing practitioner, my practice uses trauma-informed sexual healing to help women reconnect with their truth. 

Learn more about somatic therapy, or get in touch for a consultation.