A Vulnerable Share; mold illness, mental health, and three things that got me through
Have you ever had a period of time where it seems like you can’t catch a break and everything keeps going wrong? That’s been my 2021 - what a nightmare this year has been.
I want to share my experience openly as I think it’s important to normalize mold illness*, mental health, and more.
It's too much to say in a blog though, please watch the vlog.
But first, trigger warning - I’m going to share about some dark times and cuss a lot because this year has been a fucking shit show!
Last you heard from me I was flying high, living in the desert, and getting ready to launch Urban Sadhana II (which will happen!).
What I didn't share were my health problems. Since we moved I'd been struggling with shortness of breath, anxiety, and insomnia. I attributed this to financial stress (my business was hit hard by Covid) and other uncertainties.
In hindsight, I see now that this was an important message from my body...
Fast forward to mid-May, on my fucking birthday, the bathroom ceiling opened up and mold/water poured out!
This is the kind of gift you receive from the universe when you’re an adult. "Happy Birthday", the Universe said, "have some mold!"
And thus began a very difficult time...
What I want to say about mental health is that people go through hard times and that's okay. During this time, there were moments when I didn’t want to live in anymore. I felt like I couldn't do it. I couldn't make it through another night without sleep and another day of panic attacks. It took me to my edge.
My intention is to dispel the idea that there's something shameful or weak about going through a hard time. Hard times are normal. Life is fucking hard. People going through hard times deserve so much more love and support than is currently available. If you're going through a hard time please get support - you are worthy of this and no one does it alone, that's a bullshit myth.
I wish I could say that this story has a happy ending but it doesn't. There's more and the saga continues, because that's fucking life!
In the Vlog, I teach the three concepts that kept me going and helped me not bypass or spiritualize the experience so I could really heal.
I feel so grateful to be alive - to me, realizing this is the greatest truth. Life is powerful, tender, and magical. This magic flows through you and me - what a gift.
As a celebration of life, I have new offerings! Your support means so much during this uncertain time.
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Thank you for being here, watching, and reading.
I love my community so much!
Reach out with questions or thoughts - I always love hearing from you.
*A note on mold illness (or CIRS). The mainstream medical establishment doesn't acknowledge mold illness, it acknowledges mold allergy but not mold illness. This is because mold is difficult to diagnose and treat because it is multi-symptom and multi-system - meaning it affects multiple systems in the body and shows an array of symptoms that are different for everyone. Also, capitalism, ableism, and patriarchy - mold mostly affects people who are sick, women, and the elderly.
Here are some good resources on mold.